Why social interaction is important even if you’re okay being alone
I used to want to be alone all the time. It feels good to be alone. You live on your own island. Nobody can disturb you there. You’re free to do things your own way. There’s no one bugging behind your ears. You can live whatever obnoxious lifestyle that you wish: write for hours on end, have irregular meals, then wind down with a movie or two at night and go to sleep.
Part of the reason is that I don’t think social life is important. Why do I need other people’s company when I am okay on my own? Besides, I feel drained around other people. I don’t know what to say. People are too smart for me. I only know the books but they know the world. Spending time with them only makes me feel jealous. They know how to live and cherish every moment of living while I only know to do one thing well: study (and write).
For a long time, my poor communication skills make me turn my back against other people. Not that I don’t try hard. I do try hard but always find myself losing steam in the end. Like what Lu said to Allen in “Kill your darlings” when they’re on the verge of being expelled from school after stealing the boat: “I’m only good in the beginning”.
I put in a lot of effort at the beginning of the relationships. But when I get to know a person too well, I stop investing in it. I feel like a lousy friend but I can’t help it. Is it shy? No, rather it’s a fear of commitment. I don’t like to commit to any kind of relationship (except family relationship). I’m afraid that they might know all of my secrets, that I’m not as good as they think I am, that I’m just a shy and scared soul. So I withdraw from other people before it gets too deep. Not recently that I realized this truth.
Besides, I have other things to keep myself occupied. I’ve got to write. Yes, writing. How time flies when I write. How I hate it that people interrupt me when you write. I could come up with all sorts of excuses so as to stay at home and write. I write many things. I write to express myself, to practice, and to make money from it. It excites me.
But now I realize nobody can truly live alone. Because your life is dependent on others. Everything you do is about people. If you’re a singer, you share your vocal talent with others. If you’re a writer, you tell people good stories. If you’re an architect, you design beautiful homes for people. No matter how much you want to shut yourself against other people, you can’t.
So make time for your other people. Stop making excuses that you don’t need it or you’ve got to work. Everyone you meet is an expert at something. Spending time with them can open your eyes to many things. That’s how you can grow.
If you never open your heart to anyone, you only have one world view to entertain yourself. If you spend time with others, you can see the world from multiple angles. Your life becomes colorful and you’ll never have to be bored again.
When I interact with other people, there are times when I feel angry. They say things that hurt me deeply. Their values rage a war with mine. The way they act boils my blood. Like the other day, I almost burst into tears when a shop assistant didn’t let me pay for my airline ticket even though I’ve got my reservation code right. She asked me for the numbers while the code was in letters. Perhaps she didn’t know. It was her first day at work. But at the moment, I don’t really care about that. I was really upset by the way she treated me. I felt undervalued.
But then, instances like that become memories that I look back on with a smile on my face. The mere thought of it makes my day.
I come to realize we grow from our daily experiences and people we come to interact with. Not all experiences will be a good one but they all become part of our lives. Those high and low moments make life.
I cherish all the people who come into my life. I am sorry if I have hurt someone with my words, action, and lack of care. I hope they’ll forgive me because I’m learning to be a better human interacter.
